Dear Judge Mental,

Everytime I turn on the TV or read a magazine I’m reminded of how fat I am compared to the beautiful people of the world. I want to be super model skinny. WTF do I do? 

Dear Stereotype of a White American Female,

Obviously there are inherent problems associated with achieving the levels of super model skinny you so desperately crave. If this task were easy, french fries would taste like dog food and you would premenstrually crave laxatives. 

So the way I see it, you have two options: Conform or Mutiny.

Yes. You guessed it. I’m going to undermine the construct that defines Western civilization’s interpretation of beauty and refute it by employing a concoction of unbigoted reasoning and high brow humor.

To illustrate, we at WTFdoIdo? have generated a handy table that examines the pros and cons of some today’s most attempted weight loss methods:

Truly the only way to attack your problem is by through relentless and unremitting diligence. Essentially, you need to change everything you do now: The way you think, the way you eat, the way you act, the way you live. 

Or you could be an empowered black woman. Yes. Become a black woman.

Problem Solved. 

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It looks like coffee right? Wrong. They’re cupcakes. I have this friend who is probably the only person who would appreciate this more than me. Her favorite flavor us chocolate so I started with a chocolate cupcake at the bottom of each cup. I whipped out a box of thin mints (I have enough to last 10 years though they’ll be gone in 3 days if I open them) and crushed them to fill another layer in the cup. Next I put chocolate frosting in the microwave for a minute until its liquid and poured it over to cookies until it filled to the top. The frosting will actually set back to the consistency it originally was with a smooth, flat, java-like look that’s pretty deceiving. Next I used white vanilla frosting in a frosting bag and swirled it like whipped cream finished with a sprinkling of cocoa powder fit a realistic look. The best part of this? Her reaction when I handed her 8 cups of coffee on her birthday. Happy birthday Tessa :)

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